I have always considered myself lucky; I have a good family , home, my health, and career. I look back on the speed bumps of life and realize that they slowed me down when I needed to slow down and I have always come out better for the opportunities they have presented.
I haven’t been feeling good lately. I’ve been tired, and tense. My yoga instructor pulled me aside after a class and asked me if I was ok.. that I seemed tense and my yoga flow was different. That statement prompted me to take some quiet time to take stock of my emotional inventory. I realized that I have been taking responsibility for other people’s happiness and well-being. I have been giving energy to trying to make everything alright for everyone around me. I am exhausted!
How to recalibrate? I decided to take a break.. see what’s going on with my mind and body. I went outside and found a comfortable spot, one that was quiet and out-of-the-way; where I felt safe and relaxed. I closed my eyes and did some deep breathing, scanning my body for how it was feeling. I believe your body will give you physical indicators if something is off. I let go and focused on the present; finding my mind drifting to the past or future at moments I would gently allow myself to let go of those thoughts and focus on the present.. focus on breathing and the feel of the air on my skin.
Then I focused on noticing how my body felt. I was holding my shoulders.. very tense. My stomach was slightly upset .. like butterflies when you are nervous. My body has been trying to tell me something. I am finally ready to listen.
I have been putting so much effort into trying to fix others I have not been taking care of myself. And I realized that others didn’t want my help; and frankly I was not in a position to help them. They had to do the work themselves, and all I needed to do was be there. If they wanted me or needed me they could reach out. This is hard for me because I am a fixer; but I am working to realize what has been going on hasn’t been working; so I need to let go. That is hard, but it is enough for now. I am enough for now.